Nothing but good news...

Every night for the last four, I've gone to bed wishing that I'd taken a few minutes to get caught up on everything in this journal so that I'll be able to remember it after this sleep-deprived stage is over. And every morning I wake up thinking, "I'd rather enjoy my time with Caleb Zakai right now and risk forgetting about it than put him down for a single minute more than I have to just to sit at the computer."

I feel my decision is a wise one. But just in case I regret it at any time in the future, I want to get some of these thoughts down so that I'll be able to reconstruct some of these days! (Plus he's asleep and I can't sleep, so it's a good time!)

We took the boy to the hospital again on Saturday and Sunday for additional blood tests, and finally his bilirubin levels (causing the jaundice) were in the acceptable range. So on Monday, he got off the lights, and has been much more active ever since. Especially at night! I got really excited when someone said that the baby's in utero schedule might translate to their outside world schedule, because Caleb never kept me up a single night. However, I think the jaundice may have thrown him. He was sleeping all the time his first week of life, day and night, and it seems that he may have confused the two.

Jonathan had to go back to work yesterday, so on Tuesday night, I took care of him all by myself. He woke up five times between nine and five, and I handled it. But last night, he woke up shortly after we went to bed, and would NOT go back to sleep. He just kept screaming every time I tried to put him down. After saying all my life that I would let a kid scream himself to sleep, I realized in my pregnancy that I didn't want my child to feel abandoned if I did that to him all the time. So obviously, I was torn between my newfound conviction and the fact that I had been feeding, changing his diaper, burping him and trying to put him down for over three hours. Doesn't sound like too long until you factor in a screaming infant that I want to be the happiest person in the world. Not only did the screaming get to me, but the feeling that I should be able to do something to help him started to drive me to distraction.

Finally, I pulled in the big guns. Jonny Fashbaugh.

After Jonathan had no luck with him for close to an hour, we decided to take a step I hadn't wanted to take: put him in his bouncy seat. After which that little man was asleep in minutes. I think he might have acid reflux or something that made it uncomfortable to lay flat.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is this: we're having some "issues," but having a killer time!

He's gotten quite a few visitors, and I took him to meet my coworkers yesterday. He looked a little strange, mainly because of the weird lime green outfit I put him in, and I'm afraid that in my attempt not to be stereotypical first time mom-lady, I may have inadvertently made some disparaging remarks about this small bundle of beauty. You have no idea how it haunted me last night during the long vigil. I wanted to turn back time and take him in there (in all his weird baby acne and color) and shout that the most attractive human in history was amongst us, and why weren't we all fawning the way he deserved?

So screw my not wanting to be a cliche - I'm a new mom and I'm proud of this boy! If you don't think he's the cutest thing in the world, that's your prerogative, just as it's mine to allow my maternal bias to color my judgment!

Oh! His first outing was to La Fogata with Jonathan, G&G Garmane and I. He never woke up. Then he went to the pediatrician on Monday, where he was given a clean bill of health, and then my outing yesterday was our first as Mom and Son Alone. (Both missed the Dad in the equation, but made it through somehow.) We go back to the pedo tomorrow, then we're going to go meet the people at Jonathan's work. I'm really excited about that.

We continue to be a happy and healthy bunch, and I have surely enjoyed having this time with my baby. I don't know how I'm going to be able to leave him to go back to work, but I know that God will give me the grace to deal with that situation when it arises as well. I can't worry about tomorrow or six weeks down the road, because it does me no good. I know that there is a very good plan in place, and I just need to be doing my part in TODAY.

Thanks to everyone who helps me get through all of my todays. I hope to return the blessing in any way I can...

 Wendy replied...

Hee hee, welcome to mommy-hood. Isaac did the same thing at three days old, had a downright fit. I thought I would be able to let him cry but nope! It was way harder than I ever imagined. But you just do what you can and what you feel is best and it all works out eventually...or at least you feel better about what you're doing anyway! It's rough but no matter what, just remember you're a great mommy! You're Caleb's mommy and no one understands him the way you can and will!