Alas...

Christmas has come and gone, and what a glorious time it was! Caleb had his first immunizations on Friday, then Grandma Becky came to pick him up for an overnight trip so Jonathan and I could have an evening alone together. It actually wasn't quite as difficult as I thought it might be for me. Of course, it meant Jonathan and I could go to a movie then play games together without worrying about abandoning him. Time flew!

We went to see Zathura - I would highly recommend it to everyone that doesn't over-think things. I loved it like crazy until Jonathan brought up one seriously bad inconsistency, and now I'm just trying to think of a way to make it make sense. After the movie, where we ate lunch while watching, we went home and played GAMES! (I was supposed to take a nap, but anytime Jonathan is willing to play card games with me, all else gets pushed to the back burner.) We went to bed pretty early, which is a good thing, because...

... I woke up at four on Christmas Eve, and wanted to get going! Jonathan actually got up and got ready, then went back to bed while I ran up to Wal-Mart for some last minute things. I've NEVER had last minute things before! What fun! Anyway, we got a really early start, and even though we had to run to Golden before heading to Loveland, we still got to my folks' house by a little after seven thirty. My little boy had a GREAT night! His Grandma and Grandpa stayed up with him until eleven thirty, though. (I know how hard it is to let him go to sleep. You just want to spend time with him.) But then he only got them up once more before seven, which is still pretty impressive. Someone told me yesterday that the immunizations and tylenol given afterwards help the baby sleep like a rock. So it turned out to be a great time to inflict him on others!

We did Christmas Eve at Auntie Beep and Unkla Marvie's with the whole fam in Eaton that afternoon. There were so many kids/babies that it seriously cracked me up. Our family just keeps growing! We did lunch, the Christmas story, carols and presents in record time. (And by record, I mean that it only took a little over five hours. Not bad.) Unfortunately, that precluded us from being able to make it to the Christmas Eve service, so we Garmane and Fashbaughs bundled up GG and headed back to Loveland, where we had some dinner, candlelight, and Mom read "The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey." It was really beautiful, and a great time. Then, believe it or not, I was incredibly tired, so Jonathan and I took Caleb and went to bed.

Would you believe that he slept for SIX HOURS?! I don't know if it was just because he'd been overwhelmed, or if it was because it was cooler, or if we just need to move further north or WHAT, but I was amazed. It made me soooo happy! After I fed him, we tried to go back to sleep, but he was fussy and I was excited. So we were both just drifting off when I realized that my PARENTS were up! At only 5:30! (If you know me at all, you know that I have been asked to leave everyone alone on Christmas morning until at least six, at which time, we can open our stockings.) So I dragged Jonathan out of bed, and we all convened in the living room to open the stockings, then open presents.

Megan was in Washington this year for Christmas, so it was just Jonathan, Caleb, my parents and Grandma this year. Between the stockings and presents, it took us THREE HOURS to get everything opened! Every year we say that we'll lighten up on Christmas, but it never happens. Caleb made out like a BANDIT! His stocking was bigger than him by about four times - I think Jonathan posted a picture - and he got a real load. I think I might have enjoyed his stuff almost as much as I did my own. (Wendy says she liked little Isaac's stuff better than hers, but I think that means she just didn't get as killer presents as I did!) Anyway, it was a wonderful day, and Alisa came to join us for a filet mignon lunch, Dad's Christmas tradition. Mmm...

So now it's basically just time to soak up every minute of Caleb that I can, because we're at T minus six days before I have to go back to work and we figure out how life will work at that stage. God will give me the grace, and I'm trying to live without dread, but my little heart just wants to stay with Caleb until he goes to kindergarten. Ah well, there is a plan in all of this, and all I can do is live my life with purpose and hope. Gotta run do that!

Monday musings...

Another WONDERFUL weekend! Actually, Friday was pretty magnificent as well. Caleb and I went to his Grandma Garmane's school to meet her co-workers and students. While there, he got to meet Santa! (It may have been the principal's husband, but since I doubt the little bug will ever meet Santa in a mall, it was as close as he's gonna get!) Then Crazy Auntie J made us some delicious lunch, complete with a crustless apple pie with an overabundance of fresh ginger chunks. Yummers!

Two weeks from today marks my going back to work. I know I've gotten more time at home with my son than a lot of new moms, but it's still hurting me to think about sending him to "school." Again, God will give us the grace, so I need to put away the dread.

Only five days till Christmas Eve! Hooray! Gotta get going on the Christmas stuff! Believe it or not, I'm actually behind this year! What fun!

Repeat after me...

"I don't believe in jinxes. I don't believe in jinxes."

Yup, up three times last night between nine and five. That six hours of sleep he got on Tuesday night is but a distant memory.

Ah well, look on the bright side. At least it wasn't FIVE times!

Grace and blessings, all!

Slacking...

You're right, all y'all who are looking for a little more consistency in my posts. How embarrassing for the queen of all blabber to get caught not saying anything! But the bottom line is this: I babble ~ on voice mail AND in writing~ so lengthily that I don't want to take the time to sit down and write, because I don't want to miss out on Caleb time. Once I start writing, it's extremely hard for me to stop. (Grandpa Gene says, "She's talking, and she can't shut up!")

So! My little one is sleeping. Let's get caught up, shall we?

First of all, last week, I did one of the things I was trying so hard to avoid. We co-slept with that gorgeous baby. Basically, I was so tired that I couldn't face staying up for another twenty minutes while he ate for the umpteenth time that day, so I laid down with him. Next thing you know, mommy and Caleb are both down for the count, and Jonathan decided to leave us there. That booger slept for more than FOUR HOURS! No wonder people rave about it!

Still, it's not good for me, because even though HE slept that long, I wasn't resting very well, worried about squashing, smothering or otherwise smooshing him. Plus, after not eating for that long, he ate four more times in four hours, so it still balanced out to be a five feeding night!

BUT! In jumping ahead in time a week to last night, he slept for almost SIX HOURS STRAIGHT! The world - mostly the world inside my head - rejoices! He only woke up one more time in our normally scheduled evening, and we ended up staying up after four o'clock in the morning. So if you look at it a little skewed, he only got up ONCE last night! Light at the end of the tunnel indeed!

Monday was the true test of mommy-hood. I experienced the unholy trifecta of baby-dom. Yes, the three P's. I was pooped on, peed on, and puked on all in one day.

And lived to tell about it! After a month and a half, I feel like a real mom! I didn't freak out, I didn't say, "That's it, I've had it with parenthood." Nope, I just laughed my butt off, and thought, Gosh, I've got to write Unholy Trifecta in my online journal! Yes, it took me three days to do it, but I was thinking of it long before now.

Being a mom still continues to be the coolest thing I've ever done in my entire life. (Okay, second coolest. Those of you who have known me for a while can probably figure out what the absolute coolest is.) I can't tell you the joy it brings me. It puts Christmas in a whole new light, too! Okay, let me get all theoretical for a minute, okay? This isn't inspired, it's just my thinking.

Mary was probably fifteen or younger when she gave birth to Jesus, according to most historical theorists, right? She didn't get the benefit of "What to Expect When You're Expecting," or take a Lamaze class or anything before this kid was born. I'm guessing the people of that era didn't even have a very good concept of the in utero development of children either. All she knows is that an angel (which she hadn't seen before, either) shows up and tells her that she's going to be the mother of the Messiah. I felt guilty when I forgot to take a prenatal vitamin - think about the pressure this lady is under!

She gives birth to a baby WITHOUT an epidural in a STABLE. Yeah. It makes my experience seem a little smaller, but honestly, don't you think God gave her SOME perks for being Jesus' mom? She probably didn't need an epidural - it might have even been a pleasant experience.

The first time I looked at my son, my heart melted. Absolutely MELTED. I knew immediately that he was one of the biggest reasons I was put on this earth. I was meant to be this little man's mama. But think of how Mary felt! Not only does she now hold a baby of her very own, but he is God made flesh. I don't suppose she could be accused of being a mushy biased mom - her son really WAS perfect!

That first Christmas was maybe no more magical for Mary than any other woman's labor and giving birth-day might be. I think the same feelings ran through me on Caleb Zakai's first moments on earth. But what makes Mary special is that her experience gives me something incredible to celebrate. Not just at Christmas, but throughout my life. I admit, Mary has always been kind of a background person in the story in my mind. I've been more worried about the wise men, the shepherds, Herod, and even the animals who got displaced in the barn by Jesus' birth. But I'm overwhelmingly happy to have a new perspective on the story.

Okay, I told you I wrote too much! My Caleb will be waking up soon and need to be fed. Being a mom is exhausting and messy, but so far, I'm having the time of my life. That pretty much sums up the last month and a half. The end!

Prayers Answered...

Happy Wednesday to all! Life in Amanda's world continues to be absolutely amazing ~ not to sound oblivious to all the "issues" surrounding me, but I honestly feel like God has given me a little bubble of happiness for this time. Never in my life have I just constantly felt on cloud nine!

I would like to clarify that the beginning of my relationship with Jonathan was JUST as good, and the beginning of our married life together was as well. But I never had the opportunity to spend six weeks day in and day out with him! Maybe someday when we're retired, which gives me something to look forward to!

Caleb is such a little gorgeous head. A big answer to prayer right now is the fact that Auggie is getting along with him. I was really worried, just because Auggie is such a neurotic little beastie. However, I was desperate for sleep this morning after not having gotten any last night. (I think the little man may be going through a growth spurt, because he is CONSTANTLY eating! It's only a problem because he got me up five times last night between eleven and five. That's a lot of feeding time!) Anyway, Caleb was crying in the cradle, even though I was fairly certain he couldn't be hungry again, as it had only been about thirty-five minutes since his first of six breakfasts. So I finally went and got him and brought him to bed with me. I snuggled him up against my left side and prayed for peace. He fussed a little bit, then quieted down. As soon as he was settled, Nonny curled up at his feet - no surprise there - but then Auggie cuddled up against HIS left side! So the three of us boxed him in, and that little stinker went right to sleep for an hour and a half nap! That's the longest he's slept in two days. Thanks, puppies!

This is the fastest Christmas has ever approached. Usually, time goes to 1/8 speed the month before Christmas. However, between the lack of sleep and the dread of going back to work, we're at normal speed. (If I didn't have Christmas to look forward to, we'd be in fast forward mode, so it kind of balances out!) I'm not actually DREADING going back to work, but I know that it will add an extra layer of difficulty to my life. Honestly, I feel like my desire to stay home is stemming from a wish that life could stay exactly like this forever. But even if I could stay home, I can't just sit and snuggle with this beautiful baby forever. Life has to take on a semblance of normalcy at some point. I trust that God has a plan for me not to fall apart when that normalcy returns...

Sunny Sundays...

About my last entry - I sure didn't mean that I hoped my baby boy would feel cruddy, I just meant that I hoped he wouldn't fall in love with the bottle. The night after that, I went to my work Christmas party. I was gone for almost five hours, and he went through NINE OUNCES in the bottle. Holy crumbolina, am I starting to wonder if I can leave him alone! I know how long he eats when I feed him, but I didn't know he was eating that much! Yowzer!

He doesn't seem to have a problem going back and forth between the two, though, praise God! I was nervous. He's SUCH a peach! He's in taking a nap with his Daddy right now. I got pictures ~ can't wait to get them online. Jonathan laid down because he had a headache, and when I went to get him some tylenol, he offered to hold the boy. When I came back, Caleb was sucking on Jonathan's finger, and was distraught when he had to remove it to take pills. Now they're both sleeping like the princes they are, and I'm trying to get caught up on the housework! (A new mom's job is never done!)

I'm getting more and more excited about Christmas! (Twenty days away from Christmas Eve, my friends!) The party I went to with my work folks was ever so much fun! Rather than the traditional "nice" corporate gig, we all went over to our new boss' house in Jimmy Buffet inspired attire. It was probably one of the more enjoyable Christmas get togethers I've been to. Everyone was more comfy in their grubbies, and so it was a lot more lighthearted than most functions.

Jonathan has his work party tonight, so we're splitting up again. We had planned on doing that anyway, but it works out doubly well since Caleb and I have been invited to yet another baby shower. It's sad because my time with Jonathan will be cut short - we'll have to part ways early in the afternoon, but we've had a great weekend together. We're really settling into life with a baby together. It will be another adjustment when I go back to work, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. God will give us GRACE to deal with it at that time - there's no sense worrying about it now!

Today is so beautiful that I don't know how long I'm going to let Jonathan and Caleb sleep. I want to snuggle up in the sunshine with them. I guess I could always go crawl in bed with them, huh? Tailor made snuggle situation!

Heartbreak...

Caleb had his first bottle tonight. Jonathan took him to the chair in the nursery - the chair where I spend thirty to forty minutes at a time feeding him eleven or twelve times a day, I might add - and fed him two ounces in a little over a minute.

I burst into tears. Not kidding.

In my worst post-partum blues moments, I have wept aloud that Jonathan didn't understand how hard it was to get up five or six times every night to feed him. He didn't know how difficult feeding him was when you're not getting more than four hours of sleep TOTAL a night. I crowed that soon, as soon as Caleb would take a bottle, I would make him feel my pain.

Now it seems that said pain is not so bad for Dad. Ugh. My little emotions went wild.

The first thing I did was call Wendy to find out if this was normal. Such an inconsiderate friend - she didn't psychically anticipate my need, and had actually gone to ballet. However, her honey Tom was a bit of a help, in assuring me that he himself was a "gulper" as a baby. And Tom is not only alive after he drank as quickly as Caleb, but he's attractive and intelligent as well. So apparently drinking chugging milk faster than the keg king at a frat party won't cause any lasting damage.

I'm trying not to panic that Caleb will prefer the bottle. It obviously meets his nutritional needs a lot faster. However, he's been shrieking like a banshee for the last twenty minutes, so maybe it's not agreeing with his tummy.

Honestly? I'm trying not to be too cheerful about that thought...