Heartbreak without the benefit of a hotel...
Yesterday was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I survived. That's a testament to God's grace in my life. When I dropped that perfect little boy off at his new school so that I could go to work, I thought my heart would explode with the pain. It was honestly the most painful experience of my life, even physically. Ohmigoodness, give me labor and delivery ANY day of the week over the feeling of abandoning my son.
But. Still. Yet.
I have grace. God has a plan. He gave me the ability to deal with the day, and even though I hurt, it was strangely wonderful at the same time! I work with the greatest group of people under the sun, and they all were so fantastic that I only cried once after I got there. It was good to be with them again. When I thought I might not make it through the day, Jodi e-mailed me to say, "Just think! Only two more hours until you see him!" Yes, picking Caleb up after work was the most glorious point of my day.
I don't know how much baby babies can "experience" things, but he seemed really content when I got there. He was the only baby left, and the gal with him was just cuddling him. (I gather, from the two other ladies that I talked to, that Sir Caleb will be something of a favorite among the teachers. Of course, they probably tell that to all the first day mommies!) Anyway, my biggest fear - other than that he would forget all about me in the nine hours we were apart - was that he would have slept so much during the day that he wouldn't sleep last night, but he only got up once. This is very, very good.
I have peace. Today seems a little bit easier. And tomorrow will seem just a little bit more manageable. We're going to make it through this, because we were created for such a time as this. This time might be tough, and this time might not be what I had hoped for our lives, but God's got us all in his hands, and we're going not only to survive, but to THRIVE!
Grace and peace. With those two in action in my life, I can take on anything that God puts in my path.
posted by Amanda @ 6:28 AM
Hey girl, yesterday was my first day back at work too. I thought about calling you but figured you would be squishing little Caleb so tight you wouldn't be able to answer the phone! As I was leaving (after about a dozen hugs) Kyle ran and gave me a pack of his bubble gum to take with me LOL. It just about broke my heart though - he is so sweet. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you and praying for you through this - love you, Chelle
i just got your wonderfully creative baby announcement!! i'm so glad you indeed survived your first day back post-partum. i am going to try to be better at commenting on here ... and i'm updating my xanga more frequently. i love you!! hope to talk to you soon.